Life.. An unanswered Question!!

Life is very very uncertain. I mean no one actually knows what's coming in future we as human beings are very weak we surrender infront of our fate.. Now I know there are people who try to fight for their ownselves or their lives but they end up doing compromises on their pre decided fate one way or other.

This happened to me all the time I mean I  could brag all about myself claiming that I make my own decisions and I make my own destiny but that's so absurd of me probably idiotic too if I take a look at my past everything in my life was decided by someone sitting above the skies writing my future changing my situations, people around me, putting me through challenges. I thought I never had the power to confront any but they all passed and put down time to time.

This post isn't about me this is actually about a friend who just turned 17 couple of months ago and on my utmost request he went for blood donation the guy is very healthy very beautiful and lives a healthy life style there was absolutely no reason for me to know that he would be having any serious disease till the time blood reports came and he was been told that he is HIV positive.. Yes

Filthy truth he has a full life ahead of him but yet he is stuck with this thing for his life. His family doesn't really know but I wonder what'd happen when they'll know. This is what life does it changes everything in just a second and you can't really control anything leaving you very weak and vulnerable.

I'm there for him as a friend and trying to talk him through things but I'm helpless at a stage too. 

 However it's just a thought everyone no matter what age group or sexual orientation he falls in should get himself or herself tested so that he won't really play with other lives. 

We can be helpless for our misery but we can do things so that no one actually suffers through the misery we put them in.

Hugs!!

An opportunity

Couple of days ago I recieved a mail from a very famous school in USA of cullinary arts that I'm been selected in the class of 2015 for masters. I have never actually thought about this thing applying there was totally random tand now since I'm selected I don't know what to do next.

I asked my family and they want me to go live my dream and settle myself. America can be a ticket of success for me but if I go there's a high probability that I won't come back to Pakistan and settle there that means thousand of kilometres away from every relationship I've here in this country.

This opportunity makes me both happy and worried. I'm confused and I'm scared.

Let's see where this boat floats too..

Lost in Dark and it's an addiction

Over the years since I've started knowing my sexual orientation I've always condemned the part where one has to be gay and be all whore because sexual orientation has nothing to do with how one reacts to booty calls. I heard a friend once saying 'Since sex is becoming more easier to get love is becoming rare' and that is somehow very very realistic. 

This past year I've been experiencing things I've never actually had the privilege to do before the time. I've broken up with someone I've loved I've been in a dark phase where I've slept with a lot of people just to calm my body down and shut my emotions off. Well that did work atleast temporarily till the time when I started having regrets for whatever I've done. This year has however been a total surprise for me maybe because I got to know some of very very beautiful people who're now friends they don't judge but they always stand besides me.

Mid this year I opened up infront of my cousins and the wives of them (Bhabis) and they totally support me and we are close way better then we were before this. 

These past few days I've been in immense pressure because of the ongoing troubles in between me and my family. Seems Like they don't like me anymore or something like that. I least care about them on the other hand I don't want to screw my relation with the people who are close to me. I'm totally scared and hurt and lost basically.

Being all in this mess I've started talking to a guy 'Eros' who has been a great help for me and after years Im on the verge of finding the possibilities out. So that's something I'm not so sure about either there's this volcano of emotions running through my veins with anxiety, uncertainty and chill of horor. Maybe someday I'll find my way out.

Till then wish me luck guys hugs!!